Image: “Border Crossing” by Gary Rosenberg
Acceptance not Resignation
by
Sarah Varcas
Today, at 5:29 pm GMT, Mercury retrograde slips back into Libra, leaving Scorpio behind until next month. This transition brings echoes of the end of September and we may find ourselves revisiting issues which arose then, this time with an opportunity to review our take on them and see new perspectives that we may previously have missed. Whilst this current retrograde cycle of Mercury carries the energetic signature of Mercury in Scorpio throughout this revisitation in Libra encourages us to use the penetrating insightfulness of Scorpio in the realm of relationships, to work towards deeper understanding and acceptance of ourselves and others. This acceptance is not, however, to imply tolerance of attitudes or behaviours which do physical, emotional or psychological harm. Instead we are exhorted to look without blinkers or rose-tinted glasses at the relationships which occupy our lives, to identify where we encounter behaviour which wounds rather than heals, suppresses rather than encourages, and blames rather than supports. Then, and this may be the hardest bit, we are exhorted to do the same with ourselves and reflect on where we may be treating others in less than respectful ways.
Between now and 25th/26th October when Mercury stations direct once more, we can take both an eagle’s and a worm’s eye view of our relationships to see where adjustment is necessary. And whilst there continues a theme this month of patience with wounds and respect for the natural cycles of healing and our journey into wholeness, this doesn’t mean we can’t notice what‘s really going on and allow ourselves some time to let the realisation land in our hearts and minds.
When we think about Libran energy we often think adjustment, compromise, keeping the peace, but this is only one face of Libra, the other being the need to experience conflict, to acknowledge polarities and separation in order to find the hallowed middle ground. When Mercury is retrograde in Libra the polarities become all the more obvious and whilst this can be challenging it also offers an opportunity to see what’s really going on between ourselves and other people. The dynamics so often glossed over by false agreement, inauthenticity and subtle manipulations become so much clearer now and if we are prepared to see them for what they are this time can be one of deep clarity and reorientation.
The notion of acceptance is a powerful one here. Yes, we are all flawed human beings, some trying to do their best others.. well.. less so perhaps! None of us get it right 24/7 nor should we. But we do owe, to ourselves and other people, a basic level of respect and consideration simply for this world to work in any manageable way. When a relationship continues to cause us pain, when no matter how often we think a dynamic between us and someone else has changed it simply reverts to type once more, when we just can’t get past an inter-personal issue no matter what, there comes a point when acceptance means accepting it’s not going to change and the choice is to tolerate the pain for a greater pay-off or simply walk away. Such difficult choices are the kind we tend to put off, especially in key relationships. Thus we remain suspended in a limbo land of familiar distress, repeated complaints but very little movement. It is this limbo land over which we are to cast our attention now, with eyes wide open and a heart ready to accept what they see.
To view relationships in this way is a challenge not least because we are fifty percent of them and therefore carry responsibility for how successful they are. It can be tempting to apportion blame, to ourselves or other people, when relationships go wrong, but so much of what happens between people is simply the consequence of two flawed, imperfect human beings trying to get their needs met! If those needs are in opposition to each other we are travelling the road to nowhere, each trying to shape the other into something they aren’t. It is this we need to see for it is and, in due course, make some important decision about how much more of it we want to endure. There is no shame in acknowledging ‘I just can’t live productively with someone who behaves in that way’, whatever ‘that way’ is. It’s a simple statement of fact and one which, in its making, can lay the foundation for positive change in our life.
The thorny area of relationships and the powerful emotions they trigger can present some of the most challenging experiences we face, but with Mercury retrograde in Libra for a couple of weeks we have an opportunity to look without flinching at what’s really going on and take note of what we see. If we remain locked into a painful connection with another person no matter what the relationship, we do that for a reason and we need to clarify what it is. Having done so we may decide it’s reason enough to continue and that’s fine. But we may also decide enough’s enough and something needs to change. If we find ourselves in the latter category disengaging (at all levels) may take some time and we need to be patient as we do so, but playing the blame game (of self or other) is a pointless waste of energy when we could play the acceptance game whose rules are simple: accept the facts of the situation and then do something about them. Blame feeds off emotions, acceptance calms them. It clears the way for focused intent and action. This is not the acceptance of ‘I suppose I just have to put up with it ‘cause it’ll never change’. That’s resignation in all its disempowered glory! It’s the acceptance of ‘This is the dynamic, this is me, this is you. I don’t think this is going to change so it’s time to step away’. One binds, one liberates and we have a choice between the two….
Sarah Varcas
